But it was time to do the Stretch Man in a new style, with fresh eyes.
I sold that piece of poop for 373 euros to some damn fool with a stripey t-shirt. Here’s Stretch Man beneath a catchy slogan. Here’s “Stretch Man’s Gums Begin To Rot”. Stretch Man (who would later become Stretch Face) was born.Īs you can see, he suffered a nose bleed in his debut. An image comes to me, as through a rift in the dimensions, of a large yellow face, stretched beyond all repair, too ugly to elicit sympathy or joy, yet entrancing in its own repellent, horrific way. In a fit of listlessness after overusing the spray tool, I fart out a few rapid brushstrokes. It is called “If Camels Had Two Legs And Nice Shoes”. Ocean vistas, sunrises, hillsides at night, meadows with flowers in them that look like fried eggs but are definitely daisies. That’s about three weeks worth of bills! The spray tool is my new best friend. A punk called Maggie summed up her feelings about the porky painting thusly:īut I did sell enough of my other paintings to unlock a new method of colour-spattering – a spray tool! I make immediate use of this to create a stormy ocean scene, which I place on sale and dub “Poverty Beckons”.
"Lesser Toothed Pig Beast" would remain where it stood for the rest of my time in the garage. I was happy with it, but that happiness did not extend to the general public in the slightest. This next painting, "Lesser Toothed Pig Beast", took me a little longer. There’s no shame in remembering your first painting. But I can see, even here, the direction such work would take me. My craft would eventually evolve beyond such garishness. I got started straight away and painted this monster. Later you can unlock new painting tools, but for now it’s just you, a bunch of colours and an adjustable brush size. These people must buy your masterpieces, otherwise your money slowly dwindles away on bills (baguettes, wine and rent). You start out as a loser in a garage, with a few spaces to hang paintings and some folks milling around inspecting your stuff. I tried to become famous in my own lifetime by painting a variety of wholesome scenes, including a series in which a recurring motif known as the Stretch Man dispenses various vital fluids on the people of the earth. Imagine if making bad pictures in MS Paint was a profession and you got paid hundreds of dollars for each poorly sketched sailboat you drew. But you can only do this with the most rudimentary artist's tools. Passpartout: The Struggling Artist is a painting sim in which you must splatter some canvases in the most talented way you can and hope that the discerning public will take notice of your genius.
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